u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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