I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
