once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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