By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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