So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize