I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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