Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize