No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
