Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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