he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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