Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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