How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sext me about skeletons
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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