I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
