Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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