i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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