Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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