Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
