Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
