I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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