Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
