I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
