I feel great
I just peed on a car
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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