Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
