and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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