But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
