Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
