Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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