You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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