You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
