Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
