I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
