please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
