So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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