Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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