It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
