420 ftw
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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