Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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