I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
All the doctor said was why
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
