is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
