My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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