I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
