I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
