A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
