Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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