just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
