it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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