It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize