i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize