Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize