6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
