Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
