Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
