Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
