I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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