you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
