god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
