why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
