dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize