wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
