So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
