just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
