i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
