xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
