My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize